God And Money

A man is trying to understand the nature of God and asked him: “God, how long is a million years to you?”

God answered: “A million years is like a minute.”

Then the man asked: “God, how much is a million dollars to you?” And God replied: “A million dollars is like a penny.”

Finally the man asked: “God, could you give me a penny?” And God says: “In a minute.”

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Wealth, Success and Love

A woman came out of her house and saw three old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them.

Then she said, "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.
"No," she said. "He's out."
"Then we cannot come in," they replied.

In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
So, he said, "Go tell them I'm home, and invite them in!"

The woman went out and invited the men in.
"We do not go into a house together," they replied.
"Why is that?" she wanted to know.
One of the old men explained. "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and pointing to another one he said, "This man is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now, go and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said.
Her husband was over-joyed. "How nice!" he said. "Since that's the case, let us invite in Wealth. Let him come in and fill our home with wealth!"

His wife disagreed. "Why don't we invite Success?"
But, their daughter was listening from the corner of the room. She jumped in with her own suggestion. "Wouldn't it be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"

The wife agreed. "Then, let us heed our daughter's advice," said the husband to his wife. "Go out and invite Love in to be our guest."

The woman went out and asked the three old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest." Love got up and started walking toward the house. Then the other two also got up and followed him.

Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success, "I only invited in Love, as you directed. Why are you all coming in?"

The old men replied together, "If you had invited only Wealth or Success, the other two of us would have stayed. However, since you invited Love... wherever He goes, we go with him... because wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!"

Story Of A Little Boy

The other day I came across a very interesting story. It was a story of a little boy. A true story. This little boy picked up an interest in music. For several years, he had been learning to play the cornet. He persisted, putting in hours of practice at home each day, and there came a time, after many painful hours of practice peppered with criticism from his mother, that he was rewarded by being chosen to participate in his school's Armistice Day Ceremony.

Each year on November 11, the entire school went down to the gym for a ceremony honouring the nation's fallen soldiers. In what had become a school tradition, trumpet players stationed at doors on either side of the gym would alternate playing "Taps," one blowing the first dum da dum notes, and the other echoing dum da DUM, and so on.

That year, this boy's cornet skills had advanced enough for him to be given the part of the echo. He woke up the morning of the event, exhilarated at the prospect of performing in front of the entire school. When the big moment came, he was ready.

As the little boy stood in the doorway with his cornet, the first trumpet player sounded, Dum da DUM.

But on the second dum, he hit a wrong note.

"My whole life flashed before my eyes, because I didn't know what to do with the echo. They hadn't prepared me for this. Paralyzed - my big moment" recounted the little boy years later.

Should he copy the other trumpet player's mistake or embarrass him by contradicting what he's played? The little boy was undone. The scene scalded itself permanently into his memory. What he did next he can't remember - had become a blank.

But that little boy learned a valuable lesson that day: It might seem easier to go through life as the echo - but only until the other guy plays a wrong note.
It is a lesson that will serve all of us well. Often, either by choice, circumstances or sheer force of habit, we end up playing the 'echo'. And this was probably the lesson that made him stick to the principle 'Be Greedy When Everyone Panics, and Panic When Everyone Is Greedy'.

That little boy grew up to be the most successful investor of all time and the richest man in the world a few years running. That little boy's name is Warren Buffet.

Cancel your credit card before you die.......... (Hilarious!)

Just received this joke via email. Hope you people out there enjoy this too... the lighter side of finance!

Now some people are really stupid!!!! Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange:

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'
Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'
Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'
Citibank: 'Excuse me?'
Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'
Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'
Citibank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'
Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)
Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'
Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given)

After they get the fax:

Citibank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'
Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'
Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.' (What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'
Citibank: 'That might help...'
Family Member: ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'
Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'
Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???

(Priceless!!)